There are many reasons why men pull away from a woman …
Why a man pulls away is of concern to every women in a relationship at one time or another.
It’s a perfectly normal situation for which there are many reasons …
- It happens in the best of relationships
- It’s normal.
- He needs some time to himself … respect it
- It isn’t your fault …you may not have done or said anything to cause it.
The most important thing from your point of view is how you react when your man pulls away ...
Most women make the situation much worse, without realising it, no matter which of the 5 stages of the relationship they are in.
(Didn’t know there were 5 stages? Most women don’t. Check out my free e-book at the bottom of this post 🙂 )
Because they don’t understand what is happening, and are fearful of losing the relationship, they become all
- upset or
- angry or
- try to get him to justify what is happening, either as it is happening or when he comes out of it.
Here’s why men pull away …
Think of PMT.
We ladies are famous for our temperaments at the “time of the month” and blame our hormones.
Hormones rise and fall according to what is happening with our other hormones. As we women know, they influence us hugely …
Oxytocin is one hormone in particular that effects women…when our oxytocin levels rise we tend to feel bonded with the person we are with.
Men are also affected by their oxytocin.
They, too, can feel bonded, but to a much lesser extent.
But something else happens …
As their oxytocin levels rise, their testosterone levels decrease.
This leads to them feeling pressured and stressed.
Of course, they don’t like this feeling …
The natural thing for them to do is to retreat into themselves until they feel more able to cope again.
This is one of the primary reasons why men pull away and …
There is no way of knowing when or how long a man will pull away for …
How does a man pull away?
It can happen in many different ways …
- he may contact you less and less or
- he may take longer to reply to your calls and texts
- he uses endearments less and less.
- he may tell you he is under stress at work or even say
- he isn’t ready for a relationship.
Much depends on the stage your relationship has reached …
And, of course, it is perfectly possible he has
- definitely decided he doesn’t want to see you any more or
- he may be cheating on you.
Think for a moment how you feel when you are stressed at that “time of the month”…
Do you need anger, and disappointment expressed with the way you are behaving?
Of course not … you know you are not “yourself” … you feel you have enough to cope with.
And that’s how your man is feeling …
He needs to be given time to sort himself out.
Classic reasons why men pull away
- He may feel you are trying to move him to commit to a permanent
relationship before he feels ready for it. “Ooohing” and “Ahhing” over babies and weddings etc with pointed comments and looks in his direction will frighten him off unless you have been together for at least a year.
- One of you is insecure. He may have ambitions, goals and dreams he wants to achieve before he considers settling down. If you have a high-flying job or earn more than he does, he may feel insecure and to a certain extent, threatened by your success. On the other hand, if you need constant reassurance that he is not going to leave you, it is going to scare him away. Men do not like clingy women.
- You’ve cheated on him and he knows it. This is going to be a huge blow to his ego. He will feel tremendously humiliated and it may take him a long time to come to terms with it. He wants to be with a women who boosts his ego. He may need time to come to terms with whether he wants to stay in a relationship with you.
- He doesn’t feel appreciated. Simple courtesies like “please” and “thank you” with a smile go a long way with a man. Don’t take him for granted. Every man wants to be with a women who makes him feel good. If he doesn’t get words of encouragement and appreciation from you, he’ll find someone who does appreciate him.
- You nag. Don’t nag … ever. Find a pleasant way to ask him to do something, even if you have asked him a dozen times already. When he does, be generous in your appreciation. He’ll feel good and is more likely to want to please you again. And no sarcasm. Remember: “you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.”
- You don’t give him enough space. Don’t monopolise all
of his time. If he wants to go off and play a round of golf or watch the football with his mates, welcome it. It will give you more to talk about when you catch up. If you show any resentment at the time he wants to spend with his friends, he will come to resent you … let him go and he will be telling all his friends how fantastic you are.
- He’s bored with you. Be unpredictable – within reason. Value your self and what you have to offer. Keep/find a hobby you really enjoy. It may be appropriate to invite him along. If not, keep your independence. Maybe he can see his friends while you are seeing yours.
- You try to please him all the time – it becomes boring … there’s no challenge … and he’ll walk away.
- You’ve compared him poorly to previous boyfriends. He will resent it and it may make you seem like “damaged goods” which his ego will object to … and he will pull away.
- You slept with him too soon. Set your standards and stick to them. Men love a challenge … if you fall into bed with him too soon, you will acquire a reputation for being “cheap.” No man wants a “cheap” girlfriend. He will walk away. On the other hand, don’t play too hard to get. It’s a fine balance. He will take his cue from you and your behaviour.
- You’ve flirted with other men in an effort to make him jealous…it will cause serious problems in your relationship. Yes, he may become jealous, but he is also likely to be angry and humiliated and decide you are not worth the effort.
- You don’t continue to take care of you self … no slackening off in the looks department just because you are getting comfortable together. He wants to be proud of the way you look …you must have looked “good” for him to be attracted to you in the first place. Don’t forget that he may be working with some good-looking women each day who take care of themselves. If you slacken off, the comparisons may be uncomfortable for him … even though he may not tell you.
- He says he’s busy or has lots of pressure at work. It may be genuine … are you going to help him through it or are you going to cause him extra pressure just when he doesn’t need it? if so, he’s going to pull away from you as that is the last thing he needs. He needs your loving and generous support at this time.
- You are too dominant in the relationship. Don’t ever make him feel inadequate. Men like to be the leader … ask his advice if you genuinely want to hear it.
- He may be confused. He may want to take your relationship to the next stage,
but at the same time, he doesn’t want to lose his freedom. This is a serious dilemma for a man. As he sees it, he loses either way. Give him time to figure it out.
- You over-react. Men don’t like big dramas – they find them embarrassing. Men hate to be embarrassed. If you are a bit of a drama queen, he will pull away to think about your relationship and whether he can cope long-term.
At the same time, accept that some relationships are just not meant to be.
Stay true to yourself …
If he can’t accept you for who you are and what you are, the relationship does not have a long-term future and he will gradually pull away…
Looking at it positively, this gives you the opportunity to find your ideal man 🙂
Welcoming him back.
Now you have a greater understanding of why men pull away, think about how you want to welcome him back 🙂
This is where many women are their own worst enemy. They become all sulky and demanding in an effort to make him feel guilty for the unhappiness he has caused them.
This will back-fire…
What’s his instinctive reaction when he feels he’s being pressured?
He resists … he’ll walk away and he may walk away permanently.
Instead, welcome him back warmly and generously.
When he “comes back” to you, he needs to be
- welcomed warmly
- no sulking
- no explanations demanded and
- no pressure applied or you will be placing a real strain on your relationship.
You don’t have say anything … don’t fuss … he’ll know you understand why men pull away. Just show him you are thrilled to have him back with you …
It will be a real boost to his ego.
What To Do Next: Download This free E-book
If you are ready to take control of your love life, would you like the confidence of knowing what men LIKE and what men HATE ? It will help you understand why men pull away.
Imagine the confidence it will give you, no matter which of the five stages of the relationship you are in 🙂
Would you like a sneak peak at what is inside?
Inside this free guide you will discover:
- The sordid truth about the male psyche and what it means for his interest levels
- The covert way to find out what really turns him on
- The phases of a relationship and how they relate to interest levels
- How to be the only woman who REALLY “gets him “
- How to maintain interest forever and and make him want to be with you
Click on this link and you’ll be taken through to the download page …
Enter your first name and primary email address for instant access.
I’ll also be happy to share even more resources to help with your love life 🙂
Featured Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Couple sitting back to back Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net