Worried about what to text a guy?
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It’s a real worry for every woman, particularly at the start of a relationship.
Texting is a skill. If you can learn how to text guys without being suggestive or trashy, then you can keep your relationship flourishing … and I’m here to help you with that, no matter which of the five stages of a relationship you are in …
Didn’t know there were five stages? Not many women do 🙂
Would you like to know the seemingly “normal” things you’re doing that will make him run the other way?… FAST! (HINT: These change depending on which stage your relationship is at…) … It’s all in my free 24 page e-book below.
There’s even a free video inside to help you with ideas for what to text a guy 🙂
If you have been texting for years, you know how easily a couple of badly chosen words can cause misunderstandings …
It can make you lose confidence completely in texting, can’t it?
But it doesn’t have to be so difficult.
This is a long post, as it will walk you through everything you need to know about texting men … Save it/Pin it, so you can come back to it later if you don’t have time to read it all now 🙂
- The 2 Golden rules of texting men, plus 3 more
- Should you text him first?
- What/how to text a guy – 6 tips
- How soon to text him back
- What not to text a guy – 10 serious and silly mistakes most women make
- Action step!
There are two Golden Rules to remember when learning what to text a guy …
- Texts should be short and sweet and relay a message effectively.
The best texts challenge him in some way and so create an ongoing response which adds to your relationship.
And if you are rolling your eyes and saying “But how do I do that?” read on 🙂
If you can follow those two rules above – (more details coming up!), you can charm any man and avoid the pitfalls many women fall into when wondering what to text a guy.
As a discerning women, you will know that much of the free trashy advice on what to text a guy is inappropriate for you. You are only going to be texting quality men 🙂
There are three more very important rules for discerning women to follow when learning how and what to text a guy …
- You do not text him first and give him the impression you are chasing him
Your texts need to create respect from him, which makes you a person of value
Your texts must show him you are an interesting person, so he is attracted to you.
So looking at each point in turn …
1. Do not text him first
If you have looked at other posts on this site, you already know that men like to do the chasing. They like to be in control of their own lives.
Quality men and women do not share a level playing field in dating … the man needs to take the leading role.
It is the woman’s role to promote his interest in her, so he chases her.
Today, too many women forget subtlety and patience and try to lead in the relationship …
Modern dating rules indicate it is fine for women to text the man first …
This is a complete role reversal and very off-putting to a high-quality man …
He may be flattered and agree to a date.
But … if you have time to chase him, you have indicated to him that you do not have a lot going on in your life.
Where is the challenge for him?
There isn’t one … so he will never truly respect you.
The wimpy men love it, of course, when a girl asks them out. They do not have to make any effort or suffer any rejection.
He has your number … suppose he never contacts you?
Tough … move on with your life. Sorry – harsh, I know …
If he doesn’t text you, he’s not that interested, or he’s testing you to see if you are interested in him.
Either way you lose … you’ve shown your hand if you text him first and he is now the one with the upper hand. There is no mystery left.
Ideally, he will have sent you quick message shortly after meeting you, to make sure you remember him, as he has no way of knowing how many guys you have recently given your number to …
He might describe himself as the one with the “stunning brown eyes” …
And say he will be in touch on the next few days.
So he hasn’t contacted you?
He is not a man of his word. He is not worthy of you.
Get some new interests.
Get out and meet new people, make new friends.
There are millions of gorgeous men out there looking for a high value women, who respects herself.
2. When thinking about what to text a guy, choose carefully.
Your texts need to create boundaries with the guy, because the woman sets the boundaries in a relationship right from the start.
A women with no boundaries quickly loses the respect of a man … as there is no challenge for him to overcome.
Are you going to be at his beck and call, replying within seconds to his every message? Of course not.
How can he respect your time if you do not value yourself and your time?
Should he take umbrage because you do not reply straight away, he is too controlling. He’s not the man you can have a long term healthy relationship with, so move on.
Wondering how to create boundaries?
Have outside interests … perhaps a pottery class on a Tuesday evening, for example.
He will know you are not free on a Tuesday.
Not interested in pottery?
How about wine tasting, volunteering, pot holing, Scottish country dancing, hiking, acrylic painting?
Have plenty of interests.
This lets him know that you are challenging yourself which makes you more attractive to him.
Suppose in the early days he asks you out on the night you have your hobby class? (There are many who think a “real man” would call you and not do this by text).
Text him back, declining, but suggest another night, so he knows it’s not an outright rejection.
Suppose he contacts you and suggests a last minute date?
If he wants a date that evening or within 2 or 3 days, you are too busy. Follow the advice above.This makes you a bit mysterious and tells him you have a life of your own.
Remember to stick to your schedule and don’t drop everything to go on a date with him. A little mystery of having other interests makes you much more alluring.
If you do accept a last minute date, you have just proved to him you have few boundaries and your relationship will deteriorate from there.
Remember … only confident people have boundaries … and quality men like confident women.
3. Your texts must show him you are an interesting person, so he is attracted to you.
The first few days of texting are vital for respect building … you set the tone … and can increase or decrease his interest in you.
Remember, he needs to see you as a challenge.
When thinking about what to text a guy, remember texts need to be conversational and playful …
And finish with a question, so you are giving him something to reply to.
So what to text a guy?
First of all, understand that men are just as worried about texting as women …
You do not have to text back immediately … give your response some thought.
You want to be very specific with what you say. Short punchy texts are best.
Keep your text
- simple and
- fun and
- quirky, so the text could only have come from you.
Look at what you have written and see how it could be misinterpreted.
Your goal is to challenge him or tease him in some way.
Remember, the person who texts last is the mysterious one. If you don’t comment or respond, you have immediately increased your value 🙂
How soon do you text back?
Note the time he takes to respond to your texts … and take just a little longer. You want to appear to be slightly less interested than he is.
What to expect.
Men send brief texts and they like brief texts back. Use emojis if you think the tone of your message could be misunderstood.
What to text a guy tips
- Never send a text without reading and re-reading it, checking your spelling etc
- Always start your texts in the same way…
- Choose your words carefully when deciding what to text a guy …
- Give him a nickname and use it in texts.
- Haven’t heard for him for a while?
- Texting after the first date.
Leave it for a while and come back to it. Could he misinterpret what you have said?
If you are feeling emotional, be very cautious about texting him … best to let the message sit for a while before pressing send.
Think about having a standard start or sign off, but be original … “Hey” is not very original. “Hi” could come from anyone.
It might be “hey!hey! hey!” or something that is distinctively “you.”
But there is still room for misunderstandings. This is where you can use smiley faces, so he understands you are joking.
LOL, JK and ROFL are all acceptable abbreviations, but use too many abbreviations and emoticons and he will think you are immature.
It doesn’t have to be unique to him … but don’t tell him that 🙂
It can become a term of endearment as your relationship grows.
How to choose a nickname? It can be difficult …
Avoid “Babe” and “Sugar” as they have no originality …
Try to make it flattering … it will boost his ego and make him smile when he gets your text … and that’s good 🙂
For example, it could be “Muscle Man” or “Gorgeous Beastie” “Bluey”- whatever strikes you at the time.
It shows him you have sense of humour, and gives you the opportunity to tease him.
How many women will be texting him with “Hey! Hey! Hey! Gorgeous Beastie!” ?
Do not text and ask him what is going on … he’ll feel threatened.
Instead, text him with some info his ego will demand an answer to … but don’t try to trick him …
For example, if you sent a message saying you had met up with an ex girlfriend of his, he’s going to want to know which one, where and what she said.
So, you’d better be telling the truth that you really did meet up with an ex-girlfriend or he may never trust you again.
A better idea would be to send him some info on a hobby/interest of his… perhaps the opening date of an exhibition he wants to go to …
Why does this work and get a response?
Because you are focusing on things that interest him. He will appreciate this.
Text him the next day. Keep it brief…. thank him… refer to something that happened/was said/made it fun.
It’s now up to him to respond. It could be within hours or days. Do not text him again until he responds. Read the end of this post to see how to respond if he doesn’t try to date you again and you meet him later.
What not to text a guy : the 12 most common mistakes women make.
These guidelines on the most common mistakes women make when texting a man need to be read after the guidelines above. The info below will make much more sense if you know the sort of texts guys like to receive … so if you skipped it, please go back now 🙂
Texting sounds so simple, yet it is fraught with unforeseen dangers, which can scupper a relationship right from the start.
These mistakes are in no particular order, by the way, as every relationship is different.
If you have made silly choices when deciding what to text a guy, here’s how you can try to salvage the situation …
Maintain your dignity and wait a week.
Hopefully, this will give him time to forget your mistake…
Then try sending him two quick texts of different info, as above, that will interest him.
If he still doesn’t respond, it’s over 🙁
Here are the most serious and silly mistakes women make when deciding what to text a guy …
12. You sent him sexy pics of yourself…
What were you thinking? Hopefully, your face was not in the pics … the pics could be all over the internet by now. You can be sure he will have shared them with his friends.
11. You’ve sent a “bad” text, or taken too long to respond and he’s stopped texting you?
Perhaps you sent him a drunk text … (what’s a high-value woman like you doing getting drunk? )
Perhaps you had a serious row and went out with friends to try to get over it. You had too much to drink and made a fool of yourself by texting him.
Perhaps you’ve reprimanded him over text …
“I’m pretty sick of you at the moment”
“How could you treat me like that?”
“I’m really disappointed in you”
“You’re using me, aren’t you?”
All these are texts that guarantee he will run a mile.
You will be waiting anxiously for his reply, feeling sick as the minutes and hours tick by, wondering if you have blown it.
You can try to salvage the situation, but the chances are you’ll never hear from him again.
10 Showing obvious desperation
If he contacts you less than usual and starts spending more time with his friends, don’t text him, telling him you’ve noticed. Your desperation will show and it will drive him away.
Instead, play along. You stand a much better chance of getting him back by ignoring him.
Start dating others, so you are not available. If he does come back, it will be because you have become much more attractive by being out of reach for a while.
Suppose you tried to make him guilty to force him to respond?
Examples of desperate texts which are so easy to send when you are feeling “down” …
“Should I assume you are seeing someone else?”
“Why don’t we go out as often as we used to?” or the sarcastic
“Why don’t you try asking me out sometime?”
Pressure doesn’t work.
It’s likely that your relationship with him is over.
You could wait a month to give him time to forget and follow the idea of sending info that will interest him, as above.
9. He pulls away and you start chasing him
Giving him the space he needs is the only way to get him back. There is no guarantee he will come back.
This is where many women spend ages trying to decide what to text a guy to get him back … as if there was a magic formula. There isn’t.
But texting “What did I do wrong?” with a miserable face emoticon, or “How can I get you back?” is definitely going to drive him away.
Instead, become “unavailable” yourself.
If you’ve sent him a text and he hasn’t responded, leave it for a week. Then send him a short text, as if you were starting a new conversation. Make it light, flirty and fun, with a compliment if you can …
“Just been to the gym, saw a guy with amazing blue eyes and immediately thought of you.”
If he doesn’t text back after that, sorry, you need to accept that it is over.
8. You text like a teenager
Your texts are full of abbreviations and shortened words. LOL, is acceptable so are JK or ROFL but spell words in full or at least phonetically. Otherwise, he will not take you seriously.
7. You are not varying the time taken to respond to his texts
He could set the clock by how long it takes you to respond … to the minute.
You don’t come across as a busy person … you come across as a clock watcher, desperately waiting for his text with nothing better to do.
This will scare him off.
6. Don’t keep texting him all the time
Are you checking up on him?
Wanting to know where he is?
What he is doing?
Telling him tiny insignificant details of your day?
You are too available and have no mystery. Boring!
5.You text him with messages best shared with your girlfriend
Linked to the point above …
“Just got a new hair colour/ new manicure/new dress/new shoes.So excited!”
He won’t care. Out of politeness he may seem interested, but he’s not.
He’s probably rolling his eyes, yawning and thinking how immature you are.
4. You’re always apologising if he misunderstands
Are you sending a dubious comment? Put a smiley face by it, so he knows you are teasing, or add JK.
Depending on the circumstances, apologies can make you appear weak-willed.
Remember men like confident women.
3.You are responding text for text
Make him wait for your responses … see point 7 above and always leave him hoping for a reply.
Remember, the person who texts last is the mysterious one.There is no necessity to reply to very text.
If you don’t comment or respond, he will be intrigued.
2.Your responses are not helpful
Suppose he asks you out on a date. You reply you are busy. How is he supposed to interpret that?
Do you want to go out with him or not ?
If you reply “Let’s get together sometime” or “Sometime soon” he knows the message is you are not keen to date.
There’s a fine line between being aloof and and not being interested.
Give him an alternate date if you would like to go out with him, so he knows where you stand..
And the biggest mistake of all …
1.You’ve tried to discuss serious matters over text.
Too many women think it is easier to discuss serious matters over text rather then face to face. Here’s a list (incomplete, but you get the idea 🙂 ) of what not to text a guy…
“Where is this relationship going?”
“Are you playing games with me?”
“When do I get to meet your parents?”
Thousands of women search every month for advice on “how to tell him you love him for the first time over text.”
You are making a big mistake if you send a text with such emotional content. You cannot gauge his reaction. The chances are you will never hear from him again.
So, don’t ever text on emotional topics. Do it in person, if possible, or even over the phone is better than text.
But suppose you have sent him such a text telling him you liked/loved him and he hasn’t responded?
You’ve probably frightened him away. You could wait a month and then send a text about an interest of his, as above, but the chances are, you’ve blown it.
If you’ve sent him two texts and he hasn’t replied …
Do not send more texts. Wait for his reply, otherwise you will look desperate.
If you have followed the all important rule of making sure the texts you send are light and amusing, you will not be that worried if he takes time to respond.
There could be perfectly genuine reasons why he has not replied.
He might have lost his phone … he will find another way to contact you.
Did he get the text? Yes, he did, but perhaps he is too busy to respond right now.
Why hasn’t he responded? There could be a million and one reasons …
Yes, he might have had an accident/had to take someone to hospital/had a death in the family, in which case the chances are you will hear about it.
Get on with your life and don’t pressure him.
If he hasn’t responded after a week you might try sending one more text … light, chatty, about a hobby or interest of his.
If he doesn’t respond, sorry, it’s over. You’ll need to move on with your life, as above.
What To Do Next: Download This Free E-book
If you are ready to learn more about what to text a guy and how to keep his interest, I’ve got a free guide for you 🙂
Are you ready to discover the exact reasons why men lose interest and how to win him over with unpredictability and understanding ?
There’s a link inside to a free video which will help you with texting 🙂
Like more of a sneak peak at what’s inside?
- The sordid truth about the male psyche and what it means for his interest levels (think of those texts you will be sending!)
- The covert way to find out what really turns him on
- The phases of a relationship and what this means for his interest levels (as above!)
- How to be the only woman who REALLY “gets him” (show him by the texts you send!)
- How to maintain interest forever and make him want to be with you (as above!)
Click on this link and you’ll be taken through to the download page …
Enter your first name and primary email address for instant access.
I’ll also be happy to share even more resources, including many more details on what to text a guy, to help with your love life 🙂
Did I miss anything out on texting men? Leave me a comment below 🙂